85 years. That is a long time. A lot can happen in 85 years. Just looking at America, we had a world war, civil rights, Vietnam war, gulf war, 9/11, a pandemic, the Cubs AND the Redsox broke curses in winning the world series, the Eagles won a super bowl...
85 years is a long time. And it is the amount of years that my grandfather was blessed to walk this earth. I think it is important to put things in perspective all the time. This is definitely one of those times. My grandfather was a minister for the Lord for over 40 years, he was able to help launch an orphanage, and he impacted the lives of so many people over the course of his life.
I personally am not in mourning over my grandfather. I rejoice in his passing knowing that he is with the Lord, that he served faithfully with his life and ran his race with endurance all the way till the end. I am proud to know my grandfather did these things and ultimately set such a good example for me and my family to follow. I take a sense of pride knowing that I come from his seed and that the people who knew him, loved him.
But I am in grief. I do see my father and aunts having to process losing their father. While the signs of decline were there, how do you honestly prepare yourself to lose a parent? How do you prepare yourself that the man you always looked up to and was always there for you is no longer a phone call away, a plane ride away, a letter away, a video call away. To me, that is so many emotions to process all at once.
I consider what it is to live 85 years on this earth, but more importantly, to use them to walk humbly with God, serve Him and His people with my life, and to do so without complaint. I'm 25 now, to live another 60 years on this earth would be nothing short of a blessing. Life is very fragile and precious, I consider that all life should be cherished, and even in the midst of poor situations.
One of the stories I think about is how after hearing of the beheading of John the Baptist (Jesus' cousin), Jesus seeks to be alone and goes to a boat and sails to the other side of the lake. Upon arriving to that other side, a multitude of people are already waiting on Him, expecting Him to teach them, heal them, minister to them. Jesus, in the midst of hearing His cousin had been beheaded, had expectations of continuing the work in His life.
I am PRAISING God that those expectations are not being placed on me. Jesus doesn't expect me to move forward and act like nothing happened. In fact, the only reason Jesus was able to move forward and continue ministry in the midst of hearing the news of His cousin is simply because He IS God.
God knows that the trials of life and the experience of death is very taxing. He experienced it Himself. He also continued on to show us that we do NOT need to solely rely on ourselves to keep going forward, but to rely on HIM.
There will be plenty of moments that I will have over the course of the next few days, weeks, months to be by myself and to process the death of my grandfather. I will take those moments when I need to and when I am able to. However, I am not going to rely solely on those moments to give me the strength to carry forward, but I will rely on God. Often times, that looks like saying a prayer simply asking God for strength and being vulnerable and telling Him what is on my heart. Other times, it will look like opening up my bible and reading more stories where God displays His faithfulness, His authority, and ultimately His sovereignty.
In the midst of grief, God doesn't stop being God. I don't have to carry everything by myself.. especially since I am not expected to.
As always, keep it clutch.
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